“You know how [insert friend’s name here] is always so rude and always telling lies, I just can’t figure it out, she/he is such an enigma and makes me so frustrated, but I love him/her.” I have spoken ill of my friends, I have often criticized, mocked, harangued, and even scoffed (that’s right I’m going to use a biblical term) at them. Often, my motives stem from the fact that it is just something to talk about or something that intrigues me, and often I can’t find anything interesting to say about myself. However; I’ve found that many people, including myself, like to cover ourselves when we make such comments and we marginalize our critiques with certain phrases that make us seem a little less mean-spirited. Truly I don’t believe that we are generally mean-spirited creatures, that is why contemporary talk includes phrases such as ‘but I love him’, ‘with all due respect’ and ‘no offense’ that indicate that we don’t want to cause ill towards others; or at least leave other people with the impression that we revel in tearing down our friends.
“With all due respect” inevitably means that you are about to disrespect someone with the very next comment. This phrase is ostentatiously used as a precursor to an insult. Can you imagine Truman at the outset of World War Two saying to Germany “with all due respect Germany, you really fought hard and made some incredible tactical decisions and it’s been such a pleasure to have engaged you in globalwarfare for the last four years”? No, you can’t! There is no respect due and in many cases when we say with all due respect we are indicating that there is no respect involved at all. I’d like to propose a change to this common phrase. Say it only when you want to say something respectful to someone like “With all due respect, you ate that chili cheese dog with poise and integrity” or “With all due respect, I really respect you.” When you ‘due’ someone respect, it’s probably correct to say something positive. The same pattern can be utilized with the term “No offense”. Has there ever been a time when you said no offense and then didn’t offend someone in even the slightest way? I’m just going to start saying “OFFENSE!” or “with offense” and then say what I would normally say with “no offense”.
When Pinocchio shamelessly plagiarized the bible and jumped in that whale (echoes of Jonah anyone?) I was just as livid everyone else. But what really steamed my engines was when he had the audacity to gloat about having no strings to hold him down. This caused parents everywhere to cover their children’s ears due to the subtle implication that children didn't require 'strings' meaning parents. That wooden ‘real’ boy was a ‘real’ menace. Thankfully the bible was safe from Pinocchio’s blatant stealing when it stated “let your words be either yay yay or nay nay.” (I’m taking credit and intellectual property rights fees if this ever appears in a rap song, because don’t lie, it would be an awesome chorus) When we offset a discouraging word with a caveat of optimism we’re sitting on the fence. Let's be honest and consistent!
I freely admit, just as Pinocchio freely admitted that he could talk to crickets (you kidding me?, this also led children to believe that animals could talk, which eventuality led to the widespread disappointment of said children, myself included). It is hard to talk about others without being slightly negative; negative things are a lot funnier. It’s hard to laugh about someone’s good qualities. “John is such a great writer, he comprised this beautiful sonnet dedicated to his grandmother, it was hilarious.” There is nothing funny about that.
I guess I just wanted to write a blog throwing Pinocchio under the bus (or under the whale in this case), but I do believe that some consistency can be achieved in how we speak about our fellow man. What do you say? Yay Yay?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
m night 'sham'amalan
There has to be some reason why movie executives continue to green light multi-million dollar projects for someone who has not made a good movie in 8 years. Truth be told, no matter how bad M. Night Shyamalan's movies are, people still go to see them on opening weekend. I officially stopped about three movies ago, but found it strange that his movie career can be used as a blueprint for most of my recent relationships. I'll provide the similarities numerically.
1) At first glance (preview) I am intrigued. "This could be awesome!" I'll see the trailer for a movie and am instantly pulled in. (Perhaps all of his movies should just be trailers, by far his greatest talent) It's too bad that the trailer never translates into a good movie. In the same vein, the first time I meet a girl I am interested in her, her 'preview' is good and I want to see more and get to know more about her. Thoughts fly through my mind of her being the one or at least being an awesome girlfriend. In both instances, I am convinced that I need to learn more about this situation.
2) After seeing a trailer I like to dig a little deeper and learn more about the movie. This is done by reading reviews or production tidbits. I love knowing how a movie is made, whether it be what kind of filming techniques are used, where it was filmed, cost, or any other aspect that comprises the final picture. Some people like to go to the theater and sit down with no prior influences and see experience everything fresh. I wish I could do the same, but I have never been able to. I am one of those people who does weekly google searches for "New Indiana Jones film". I get excited about this kind of stuff. I get excited about girls too, always have. I like to learn about them. I like to go to their houses and meet their "production crew" (parents). I like to get to know their "editing crew" (friends). I like to dig through their garbage and find things that they have thrown out (ok, not really that last one) These things help me understand the person better and how they act and why they act a certain way. Often times this can generate lots of excitement about a female or movie, and other times it can shoot up red flags faster than the Jersey Shore boys can kick 'grenades' out of their hot tub. Recently, additional information has led me to be cautious when contemplating viewing a new film or squiring a new lady. With M. Night, words like over budget, filming delays, Writer (he's an awful writer), raise more red flags than a mustachioed man with an overcoat driving a non-descript van. I've promised never to see another movie that he is the principle writer for. (which i'll be regretting as soon as a new trailer for one of his films appears) With girls it is very similar, silver platter, raised by maid, rode to her sweet 16 on an elephant; these phrases rattle me like a hot Mexican reporter in an NFL locker room (see: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/14/new-york-jets-reporter_n_716136.html) Although I've never actually heard any of these terms used when referring to a potential gf, you get the drift. The red flags are very apparent and should be avoided like, hmmm....let's say an M. Night movie to use an obscure reference.
3) There is an old adage, you have to spend money to make money. That is not the case with M. Night movies. You have to spend a lot of money to get horrible critical reception and a box office dud. M. Night movies have require a lot of investment, just like in the initial dating process there is a lot invested. I've probably spent a bulk of dating money on the first three dates in relation to any other time frame of dating. I want to impress, I want to throw out the big cash money, but sometimes that is where I lose. The times when I've tried to give the nicest gifts have led to the absolute worst outcomes. I don't believe M. Night has been much more successful, his recent track record.
"Lady in the Water" estimated loss at $100 million
"The Last Airbender" cost $150 million, do you know anyone who has seen it?
"The Village" dropped nearly %70 of the viewers from the first week to the second week, meaning that no one was telling their friends to go see it. They all got duped into going the first week because they saw an awesome trailer and hoped for the best.
4) Disappointment!!! Ever heard of Lady in the Water, The Happening, The Last Air Bender, even the poorly written Unbreakable??? Ahhhhh!!! All of these films have been painful to watch. I haven't seem the last one, but it is currently getting a 7% out of a possible 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. To add caution to the wind a new movie called Devil is coming out soon that M. Night wrote. Don't go see this movie!!!, you'll just be disappointed once again.
Besides The Sixth Sense, I give some credit to Signs, but that's just because of the line "Swing Away" at the end. Really, one of the great climactic events of the film. However, I found this odd. The water being accidentally knocked on the alien clued in every human being on earth that to kill the aliens you simply add to spray some water on them. Really?!? Three weeks had passed and I'm sure the army was using every weapon known to mankind to quash this alien invasion and a kid 'swinging away' in the middle of a corn field figures out that this is the secret to saving earth!!! You see what I am saying? Anyway, when you finally get to the theater or to the point of wanting to really date someone you are often teetering on possible disappointment. Phrases like "I had no idea it was about this from watching the trailer" "This was not what I expected at all" can easily be transferred to "This girl isn't who I thought it was" or "Wow, you think you know a lot about someone". Usually if you have been suckered enough to get to the silver screen you are going to get burned.
As with M. Night, his first try at a major motion picture was his best and so was mine as far as dating. We keep hoping that he will make a good movie, but deep down we know that we will be lucky to just get a few good trailers and maybe some day a great movie. I keep holding on to hope that one day I too will 'Swing Away' and find a rare winner, (as long as she doesn't like M. Night Shyamalan movies).
1) At first glance (preview) I am intrigued. "This could be awesome!" I'll see the trailer for a movie and am instantly pulled in. (Perhaps all of his movies should just be trailers, by far his greatest talent) It's too bad that the trailer never translates into a good movie. In the same vein, the first time I meet a girl I am interested in her, her 'preview' is good and I want to see more and get to know more about her. Thoughts fly through my mind of her being the one or at least being an awesome girlfriend. In both instances, I am convinced that I need to learn more about this situation.
2) After seeing a trailer I like to dig a little deeper and learn more about the movie. This is done by reading reviews or production tidbits. I love knowing how a movie is made, whether it be what kind of filming techniques are used, where it was filmed, cost, or any other aspect that comprises the final picture. Some people like to go to the theater and sit down with no prior influences and see experience everything fresh. I wish I could do the same, but I have never been able to. I am one of those people who does weekly google searches for "New Indiana Jones film". I get excited about this kind of stuff. I get excited about girls too, always have. I like to learn about them. I like to go to their houses and meet their "production crew" (parents). I like to get to know their "editing crew" (friends). I like to dig through their garbage and find things that they have thrown out (ok, not really that last one) These things help me understand the person better and how they act and why they act a certain way. Often times this can generate lots of excitement about a female or movie, and other times it can shoot up red flags faster than the Jersey Shore boys can kick 'grenades' out of their hot tub. Recently, additional information has led me to be cautious when contemplating viewing a new film or squiring a new lady. With M. Night, words like over budget, filming delays, Writer (he's an awful writer), raise more red flags than a mustachioed man with an overcoat driving a non-descript van. I've promised never to see another movie that he is the principle writer for. (which i'll be regretting as soon as a new trailer for one of his films appears) With girls it is very similar, silver platter, raised by maid, rode to her sweet 16 on an elephant; these phrases rattle me like a hot Mexican reporter in an NFL locker room (see: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/14/new-york-jets-reporter_n_716136.html) Although I've never actually heard any of these terms used when referring to a potential gf, you get the drift. The red flags are very apparent and should be avoided like, hmmm....let's say an M. Night movie to use an obscure reference.
3) There is an old adage, you have to spend money to make money. That is not the case with M. Night movies. You have to spend a lot of money to get horrible critical reception and a box office dud. M. Night movies have require a lot of investment, just like in the initial dating process there is a lot invested. I've probably spent a bulk of dating money on the first three dates in relation to any other time frame of dating. I want to impress, I want to throw out the big cash money, but sometimes that is where I lose. The times when I've tried to give the nicest gifts have led to the absolute worst outcomes. I don't believe M. Night has been much more successful, his recent track record.
"Lady in the Water" estimated loss at $100 million
"The Last Airbender" cost $150 million, do you know anyone who has seen it?
"The Village" dropped nearly %70 of the viewers from the first week to the second week, meaning that no one was telling their friends to go see it. They all got duped into going the first week because they saw an awesome trailer and hoped for the best.
4) Disappointment!!! Ever heard of Lady in the Water, The Happening, The Last Air Bender, even the poorly written Unbreakable??? Ahhhhh!!! All of these films have been painful to watch. I haven't seem the last one, but it is currently getting a 7% out of a possible 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. To add caution to the wind a new movie called Devil is coming out soon that M. Night wrote. Don't go see this movie!!!, you'll just be disappointed once again.
Besides The Sixth Sense, I give some credit to Signs, but that's just because of the line "Swing Away" at the end. Really, one of the great climactic events of the film. However, I found this odd. The water being accidentally knocked on the alien clued in every human being on earth that to kill the aliens you simply add to spray some water on them. Really?!? Three weeks had passed and I'm sure the army was using every weapon known to mankind to quash this alien invasion and a kid 'swinging away' in the middle of a corn field figures out that this is the secret to saving earth!!! You see what I am saying? Anyway, when you finally get to the theater or to the point of wanting to really date someone you are often teetering on possible disappointment. Phrases like "I had no idea it was about this from watching the trailer" "This was not what I expected at all" can easily be transferred to "This girl isn't who I thought it was" or "Wow, you think you know a lot about someone". Usually if you have been suckered enough to get to the silver screen you are going to get burned.
As with M. Night, his first try at a major motion picture was his best and so was mine as far as dating. We keep hoping that he will make a good movie, but deep down we know that we will be lucky to just get a few good trailers and maybe some day a great movie. I keep holding on to hope that one day I too will 'Swing Away' and find a rare winner, (as long as she doesn't like M. Night Shyamalan movies).
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