This last Saturday I was called upon to work because of the busy season. I thought I would only be in for five hours or so, but ended up staying about seven. I would have been more uptight about the lengthy day except for a comment that one of the Draculitos Emmett made.
Now, I am well aware that most of these posts concerning Draculios are satirical and that although evidence points in the direction of vampires crawling around my work place, it is not factual. You already knew that though.
I brought in donuts for the eight of us who were working that day and encouraged the others to partake in sugar rushes to fill up their energy reserves. Near the end of the day I entered the breakroom and noticed that there was only one donut remaining. Emmett was on the other side of the table, so I told him to go ahead and eat it. (Emmett usually doesn't bring lunches to work and I never really see him eating, I guess he just likes to get all his work done before eating.) I told him he needed to eat the donut and that he should really be eating during the day. He responded, "man, I only eat when the sun goes down." I stopped and looked at him and said,"Emmett, you just sounded like a vampire." He laughed a loud laugh and said,"yeah, i kind of did didn't I." and that was the end of it.
I really like how there are so many coincidences concerning vampires at my work or "draculitos". Even though there is no evidence, things continue to happen that would lead some to believe that draculitos really do walk the aisles of the Coke warehouse.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Cocodrilos
Arturo is very proficient at doling out pseudonyms to the people at work. Some of these have obvious connotations, but others are a huge mystery to me. I must admit right now that I do not speak Spanish very well, I understand the gist of what is being said and the context of the words, but sometimes I do not understand every single word that is being said to me. However, for the sake of my audience I have meticulously researched these nicknames and double checked them with other fluent Spanish speakers (Mexicans) and believe that these are the most correct translations I can decipher.
1) Los Cocodrilos-The Crocodiles Arturo calls our two bosses the crocodiles, I think because he thinks one of them walks around and sniffs the air looking for trouble because he always calls them spies too. One time he said "los cocodrilos estan buscando as pulgas" the crocodiles are searching for fleas. I also had no idea what he meant by this, but as it stands, I have two bosses who are crocodiles
2) El Gordo-The heavy(fat man) This one is pretty easy to decipher. Any 300+ man is going to be referred to as the fat guy. Spanish has a way of being very straightforward and this is no exception. The gordo is a very large man and thus has been dubbed as such.
3) Hormiga Atomica-The Atomic Ant This name is given to a 6'5 Samoan kid at work. He is very strong and I think that the ant part might have something to do with him being able to lift heavy loads, as far the Atomic part, your guess is probably better than mine. I can't imagine calling anyone an atomic anything as a nickname.
4) Florencio- Florence This is what Arturo calls me. I did some research and a horse named Florencio was popular in the early 90's. I do not think Arturo is familiar with horse racing though. Florencio is also a popular name in Mexico. Lupe (another co-worker) told Arturo this was my name and for the longest time I could not figure out why Arturo kept referring to me as Florencio. I guess it was a misunderstanding, but I enjoy it.
5) Sapote/Manotas-Big toad/Big hands This nickname is given to Mark, a large imposing Polynesian man. He is taller than me and about three times as thick and is the one man who strikes fear in every other employee at work, even though he is the funniest guy around. Manotas is the kind of man who will make fun of you and you do not dare to say anything back when you first meet him. But as you get to know him you can make fun of him and he will laugh just as loud.
6) La profesional-The Professional This name is given to the guy at work who is always running around looking like he is working really hard and giving everyone else crap for not working as hard as he does. I think the name is intended to be the man's mindset of himself and not how others view him. I guess you could say it is an ironic nickname, as so many are.
7) Patito-Little duck When a large man walks and appears to be waddling like a duck he receives a corresponding nickname, the little duck. This is why Arturo has given one man at work this name.
8) Luchador-The fighter This is for a man who used to work with us and always walked around with his shoulders held high as if he wanted to fight someone, he never did fight anyone, but one time Manotas was making fun of him and he really wanted to fight, but like I said, no one fights with Manotas.
9)El Italiano-The Italian Arturo claims that this Mexican guy is a fake Mexican and so he calls him the Italian
10) Rey Benjamin-King Benjamin A guy named B.J.
11) Draculitos-The little draculas I've talked extensively about this on other posts, but two white looking Polynesian kids who have convinced Arturo that they are vampires. It is still a mystery to me.
12) Chinito-Small Chinese guy Actually a guy from Laos, but everyone calls him the Chinese guy, kind of racially obtuse, but who ever stopped anyone from grouping a diverse group of cultures into one large race? Neither I nor Arturo, that's for sure.
That is most of the better nicknames that he has coined over the course of my employment. There are others that are not as good or memorable, but I feel like these ones should see the light of day, or at least the light emitted from your computer screen.
1) Los Cocodrilos-The Crocodiles Arturo calls our two bosses the crocodiles, I think because he thinks one of them walks around and sniffs the air looking for trouble because he always calls them spies too. One time he said "los cocodrilos estan buscando as pulgas" the crocodiles are searching for fleas. I also had no idea what he meant by this, but as it stands, I have two bosses who are crocodiles
2) El Gordo-The heavy(fat man) This one is pretty easy to decipher. Any 300+ man is going to be referred to as the fat guy. Spanish has a way of being very straightforward and this is no exception. The gordo is a very large man and thus has been dubbed as such.
3) Hormiga Atomica-The Atomic Ant This name is given to a 6'5 Samoan kid at work. He is very strong and I think that the ant part might have something to do with him being able to lift heavy loads, as far the Atomic part, your guess is probably better than mine. I can't imagine calling anyone an atomic anything as a nickname.
4) Florencio- Florence This is what Arturo calls me. I did some research and a horse named Florencio was popular in the early 90's. I do not think Arturo is familiar with horse racing though. Florencio is also a popular name in Mexico. Lupe (another co-worker) told Arturo this was my name and for the longest time I could not figure out why Arturo kept referring to me as Florencio. I guess it was a misunderstanding, but I enjoy it.
5) Sapote/Manotas-Big toad/Big hands This nickname is given to Mark, a large imposing Polynesian man. He is taller than me and about three times as thick and is the one man who strikes fear in every other employee at work, even though he is the funniest guy around. Manotas is the kind of man who will make fun of you and you do not dare to say anything back when you first meet him. But as you get to know him you can make fun of him and he will laugh just as loud.
6) La profesional-The Professional This name is given to the guy at work who is always running around looking like he is working really hard and giving everyone else crap for not working as hard as he does. I think the name is intended to be the man's mindset of himself and not how others view him. I guess you could say it is an ironic nickname, as so many are.
7) Patito-Little duck When a large man walks and appears to be waddling like a duck he receives a corresponding nickname, the little duck. This is why Arturo has given one man at work this name.
8) Luchador-The fighter This is for a man who used to work with us and always walked around with his shoulders held high as if he wanted to fight someone, he never did fight anyone, but one time Manotas was making fun of him and he really wanted to fight, but like I said, no one fights with Manotas.
9)El Italiano-The Italian Arturo claims that this Mexican guy is a fake Mexican and so he calls him the Italian
10) Rey Benjamin-King Benjamin A guy named B.J.
11) Draculitos-The little draculas I've talked extensively about this on other posts, but two white looking Polynesian kids who have convinced Arturo that they are vampires. It is still a mystery to me.
12) Chinito-Small Chinese guy Actually a guy from Laos, but everyone calls him the Chinese guy, kind of racially obtuse, but who ever stopped anyone from grouping a diverse group of cultures into one large race? Neither I nor Arturo, that's for sure.
That is most of the better nicknames that he has coined over the course of my employment. There are others that are not as good or memorable, but I feel like these ones should see the light of day, or at least the light emitted from your computer screen.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Draculas of a feather . . . . suck blood together
The third installment in a series following one man's quest to rid a warehouse of Vampires.
I've noticed Arturo has been a little more nervous with the proximity of Halloween around the corner, or around the week if you prefer. He stated on Monday that we were all forced to wear collared shirts so that when the Draculitos bit our necks to suck blood out the evidence would be hidden behind a collar. (At least it's not a popped collar, we aren't that cool) We enjoyed a nervous laugh together as I say his point and wondered to myself why indeed we had to wear collared shirts.
Things got a little bit more intense this afternoon. . . .
Arturo approached me with a few minutes to spare before he left for home. He asked if he could buy two rolls of the plastic wrap that we use to keep product on the pallets when it goes in trucks
, (above is a picture). I asked him what he needed it for because I thought it was a weird request that he asked me to question the crocodile (this is what he calls our boss, there will be another story elaborating on this) and he would wait. I went into my boss' office and asked if Arturo could buy two rolls of the plastic wrap. The 'crocodile' was a little perplexed at such a strange request and replied that we did not normally sell these wraps to employees and that a box of it (4 rolls) cost $86. I returned to Arturo with the news that he could purchase a box of the wrap. I again inquired to what use he intended this wrap, the reason being that the wrap is hundreds of yards long and you do not need a large quantity to wrap a lot of things. He was once again vague and said he had a lot of things "fuera da casa" that needed to be wrapped many times. I went inside and finally convinced the 'crocodile' to sell Arturo a roll and he agreed to do so for $20. Arturo was excited by the news when I came back outside the office. This intermediary business had tired me out and I intended to find out the purpose of all this wrap. As Arturo was leaving I asked him once again why he needed so much plastic wrap. This time he finally heeded my call by simply replying with a sly smile To set traps for the little draculas." and walked out the door. To be continued . . . .
I've noticed Arturo has been a little more nervous with the proximity of Halloween around the corner, or around the week if you prefer. He stated on Monday that we were all forced to wear collared shirts so that when the Draculitos bit our necks to suck blood out the evidence would be hidden behind a collar. (At least it's not a popped collar, we aren't that cool) We enjoyed a nervous laugh together as I say his point and wondered to myself why indeed we had to wear collared shirts.
Things got a little bit more intense this afternoon. . . .
Arturo approached me with a few minutes to spare before he left for home. He asked if he could buy two rolls of the plastic wrap that we use to keep product on the pallets when it goes in trucks
, (above is a picture). I asked him what he needed it for because I thought it was a weird request that he asked me to question the crocodile (this is what he calls our boss, there will be another story elaborating on this) and he would wait. I went into my boss' office and asked if Arturo could buy two rolls of the plastic wrap. The 'crocodile' was a little perplexed at such a strange request and replied that we did not normally sell these wraps to employees and that a box of it (4 rolls) cost $86. I returned to Arturo with the news that he could purchase a box of the wrap. I again inquired to what use he intended this wrap, the reason being that the wrap is hundreds of yards long and you do not need a large quantity to wrap a lot of things. He was once again vague and said he had a lot of things "fuera da casa" that needed to be wrapped many times. I went inside and finally convinced the 'crocodile' to sell Arturo a roll and he agreed to do so for $20. Arturo was excited by the news when I came back outside the office. This intermediary business had tired me out and I intended to find out the purpose of all this wrap. As Arturo was leaving I asked him once again why he needed so much plastic wrap. This time he finally heeded my call by simply replying with a sly smile To set traps for the little draculas." and walked out the door. To be continued . . . .
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The assasinated gato
This is the second part in my series of the Draculitos and Arturo.
The last few weeks have brought 3 kittens into our lives at the Coca-Cola warehouse. They showed up out of nowhere one day and a couple of the guys started leaving scraps of food out for them by the parking lot in back. The cats have gotten bigger (as kittens are known to do) and eventually one of the ladies even bought them a small house to keep warm in because of the ensuing cold. One day last week I got to work very early and walked inside and started my normal routine of work. A few hours passed before Arturo approached me. He said that the Draculitos were in need of blood and had killed one of the cats ( his spanish words were, Los Draculitos estavan con hambre y assiniaram el gato). I was a bit confused and thought he was kidding so I didn't think much of it. A few minutes later another co-worker appeared and said that one of the cats had been killed in the parking lot. I didn't know quite what to think, I hadn't grown particularly close to any of the cats, but I thought it was strange. About five minutes after this my boss came up and told me he had pulled in and seen the dead gato on the pavement too. News was certainly moving fast. Maybe the Draculitos were really out for blood and Arturo had been right. When I walked in that morning I had seen no dead gato's on the road and the Draculitos always got to work after I did. Well, being on the low end of the totem poll at work, I found Arturo recruiting me to help him pick up the remains of the cat. He drove his forklift out with a garbage bin and I had a shovel. Sure enough when we got outside I saw the assassinated gato. The entrails were sprawled out next to the flat body and a bird was picking at them. (I said assassinated because gatos are usually quite agile and this one had been hit by a car, I suspected foul play, but unfortunately no proof was ever found.) I moved into position with the shovel and had to turn away while Arturo pushed the gato with a broom, I seriously almost yacked all over when I felt the weight of the gato in the shovel. I tried to do a no look lift into the garbage can and missed . . . . the gato smacked back onto the ground. Arturo chuckled and made fun of my weak stomach. Much to his chagrin I found my mark on the second toss and the gato was out of sight. Perhaps the Draculitos had struck again, I am not sure how the gato died other than it was hit by a car, but I do think something must have happened to impede the gato from moving. When will the Draculitos strike again?
Just as I wrote that last part down I remembered a story that happened about two days after the gato incident. I was sitting in the break room with Arturo and Lupe. I looked on top of the Coke machine and saw a bottle of Fruit Punch Powerade. I inquired of Arturo if it was his, to which he sheepishly replied, "es la sangre para los draculitos" (it's the blood for the Draculas). I couldn't stop laughing for the next 5 minutes. This guy seriously has me convinced that there are Draculas at my work and they have taken the form of two half-Samoan kids.
The last few weeks have brought 3 kittens into our lives at the Coca-Cola warehouse. They showed up out of nowhere one day and a couple of the guys started leaving scraps of food out for them by the parking lot in back. The cats have gotten bigger (as kittens are known to do) and eventually one of the ladies even bought them a small house to keep warm in because of the ensuing cold. One day last week I got to work very early and walked inside and started my normal routine of work. A few hours passed before Arturo approached me. He said that the Draculitos were in need of blood and had killed one of the cats ( his spanish words were, Los Draculitos estavan con hambre y assiniaram el gato). I was a bit confused and thought he was kidding so I didn't think much of it. A few minutes later another co-worker appeared and said that one of the cats had been killed in the parking lot. I didn't know quite what to think, I hadn't grown particularly close to any of the cats, but I thought it was strange. About five minutes after this my boss came up and told me he had pulled in and seen the dead gato on the pavement too. News was certainly moving fast. Maybe the Draculitos were really out for blood and Arturo had been right. When I walked in that morning I had seen no dead gato's on the road and the Draculitos always got to work after I did. Well, being on the low end of the totem poll at work, I found Arturo recruiting me to help him pick up the remains of the cat. He drove his forklift out with a garbage bin and I had a shovel. Sure enough when we got outside I saw the assassinated gato. The entrails were sprawled out next to the flat body and a bird was picking at them. (I said assassinated because gatos are usually quite agile and this one had been hit by a car, I suspected foul play, but unfortunately no proof was ever found.) I moved into position with the shovel and had to turn away while Arturo pushed the gato with a broom, I seriously almost yacked all over when I felt the weight of the gato in the shovel. I tried to do a no look lift into the garbage can and missed . . . . the gato smacked back onto the ground. Arturo chuckled and made fun of my weak stomach. Much to his chagrin I found my mark on the second toss and the gato was out of sight. Perhaps the Draculitos had struck again, I am not sure how the gato died other than it was hit by a car, but I do think something must have happened to impede the gato from moving. When will the Draculitos strike again?
Just as I wrote that last part down I remembered a story that happened about two days after the gato incident. I was sitting in the break room with Arturo and Lupe. I looked on top of the Coke machine and saw a bottle of Fruit Punch Powerade. I inquired of Arturo if it was his, to which he sheepishly replied, "es la sangre para los draculitos" (it's the blood for the Draculas). I couldn't stop laughing for the next 5 minutes. This guy seriously has me convinced that there are Draculas at my work and they have taken the form of two half-Samoan kids.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Draculitos
I have a co-worker at work named Arturo. He is the utility man as I like to refer to him as. He scrubs the floors on a Zamboni and empties the trashes. He basically does all of the work that no one else wants to do at all. Arturo is an interesting man, he has nicknames for all of the workers in the warehouse, I am referred to as Florencio, there is no rhyme or reason to many of these pseudonyms, but they are really funny. The nicknames that strikes me as the most odd is Draculito. Arturo refers to two Polynesian guys as "Los Draculitos". I suppose it is because they are both half Polynesian and rather white in appearance. Whenever Arturo sees one of these two guys he says in Spanish that "los draculitos estan buscando sangre" or the draculas are looking for blood. I always found this rather funny and played along with his joke, chiding his once in a while about the draculas wanting to suck his blood and other vampire references. On Monday of this week when I entered work I wandered over to Arturo's cleaning station where he keeps most of his supplies.
Much to my bewilderment I happened upon a clove of garlic sitting on a barrel. I thought it was strange but didn't think much of it. When I saw Lupe, one of the other Mexicans, about an hour later I asked him why Arturo had garlic by his equipment. He told me that it was to ward of the draculas. So apparently this whole time Arturo really has believed that these two workers are legitimately vampires. I loved it! When I questioned Arutro about this garlic he verified that it was indeed because of his fear of the draculas. I don't know whether he is afraid of Polynesians, or he really thinks they are draculas, but either way I thought it was hilarious.
Much to my bewilderment I happened upon a clove of garlic sitting on a barrel. I thought it was strange but didn't think much of it. When I saw Lupe, one of the other Mexicans, about an hour later I asked him why Arturo had garlic by his equipment. He told me that it was to ward of the draculas. So apparently this whole time Arturo really has believed that these two workers are legitimately vampires. I loved it! When I questioned Arutro about this garlic he verified that it was indeed because of his fear of the draculas. I don't know whether he is afraid of Polynesians, or he really thinks they are draculas, but either way I thought it was hilarious.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Swiftly Seeking Swift
I have always loved "Love Song" by Taylor Swift. I think it is an incredible song! However, that was about the extent of my Taylor Swift knowledge until last week. As some of you may know, Kanye West went a little crazy and hurt this young girl emotionally. This caused me to do some song searching on Taylor Swift and I must say that I am in love with her. "You Belong to Me" describes how I feel when I really like someone so well. If you've seen the music video you know that she tells her crush she loves him with a note she pulls out that says "I love you", well guess who is now walking around with that same note in his back pocket all of the time?!? That's right, this guy, and I do mean guy. Speaking of notes, Taylor hits them all. She has the voice of an angelic song bird. I know I'm not so "swift" to jump on the ol' Taylor Train from Awesomeville, but I'm on board now. I only have Mr. West to thank for this. But before I finish I must say that the Taylor Train is going full steam ahead and the sun happens to set in the West, could this be a slow decline for Kanyeezy, let's hope not, but I don't see him winning public approval for quite some time.
Mannerly
An old gentleman at my work tried setting me up last week. He referred to the girl as sweet and mannerly and that she was abused as a youngster. Oh great! Now I'm well aware that beggars cannot be choosers, but they can be cautious. So, this cautious cat decided to take the low road and lie. Sure, I know that is bad and I probably should give it a chance, but I'm going to dodge the ol' bullet before the gun goes off and make up something about being out of town every single day for the next month
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