A ride on the Ferris wheel

I’m reminded of a story that I heard or might have even made up about a young parent who had a baby girl. That parent cared deeply for the young girl and did everything possible to provide for her all of the opportunities that would lead to a successful life. As time progressed, the parent began to neglect the girl with the promising future by denying financial and emotional support. See, the parent had other pressing issues to worry about instead of the future of the little girl; powerful rich friends often requested help from the parent to set in order their affairs. That once promising young girl was quickly forgotten and left to her own devices to find success. You may be surprised that you already know this negligent parent and young girl; they often go by their more familiar names of the United States government and the public education system.

Most of the demise of the public education system can be traced back to one single event. Some suggest the end of segregation, Republican budget cuts or Mormons having way too many kids (I just threw this in for fun because it’s just this empty rhetoric the church is often criticized for). These are all wrong; David Hasselhoff had a better chance of winning dancing with the stars than any of these being legitimate causes of the education downfall. No, the real reason this happened is because of a well known movie that came out in 1986, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. This movie glamorized the notion of not going to school. Before this movie came out, no child or teenager had probably ever played hooky instead of attending class. The concept of not going to school was outlandish and completely foreign to students in the United States; (almost as foreign as Spin occurring in the Bill O’Reilley No Spin Zone) no one thought it was possible. To say that the fad of cutting class caught wild fire is an understatement, Ferris essentially ruined the American school system by teaching it was cool not to go to class.

For those of you who haven’t been alive for the last twenty years or in a hole and not seen this anti-school propaganda film, Ferris Bueller is a young boy who develops an intricate plan to not go to school for one day. Principal Rooney (Ferris’ arch nemesis) does all he can to foil young Ferris’ plans and at one point even shows up at the house to gather evidence in hopes of expelling the brash young school ditcher. Mad props are due to the nefarious Principal for going above and beyond his call of duty, but as we’ll see it was of the utmost importance that Ferris’ not get away with his radical ways. Never has someone done more to attack the public school system and never has someone accomplished so much in one day off of school. Ferris did the following things in roughly seven hours:

Talked his friend into also cutting class and picking him up

Schemed to getting girlfriend out of class and then picked her up

Attended a Chicago Cubs Game

Went to tour the Sears Tower

Walked through the Art Institute of Chicago

Crashed a massive parade in the middle of the city and “Twisted and Shouted” all over it

Weaseled his way into a High-end Restaurant for lunch

Went swimming with his friends

The amount of time this would take any normal human being to accomplish is roughly 38 hours (give or take), but Ferris’ magically achieves so much in just seven hours?!?! Let the delusion begin!! Teens everywhere were suckered into believing they too could cut class and crash parades. (Why do you think we no longer have random parades in the middle of the week with thousands of people?, that is how the world was before this movie came out). Kids realized that 1) principals were not in fact student’s pals (or prince’s for that matter) 2) crashing parades was normal 3) cutting class was the coolest thing ever and if you had a fun enough day they might make a movie about it some day.

No matter how you slice it a pie is still a pie and no matter how you slice skipping schools it’s still giving the old screw you to lady America. But I must digress for a minute. Is the education provided for in America’s school really worth not cutting class? As I illustrated in the beginning, the deplorable state of America’s schools has left many children unable to receive the education that will provide them with the skills they’ll need in life. “Waiting for Superman” is a movie about children throughout the United States who are trying to get the best education possible. Some must go through admission processes that utilize a lottery selection; which doesn’t allow some children to attend their preferred school. This process is difficult for families with low incomes because they often do not have access to the same private institutions as higher income families if they are not accepted. Interestingly enough, many school aged children could ditch school to watch a movie about how inefficient school is; they would learn more about school by not going to…. wait for it…school. I don’t necessarily condone this behavior, but I don’t criticize it either. The purpose of schools is to provide learning, but if instruction isn’t adequately offered children should not be punished for not attending?

In high school my friends and I always tried to replicate Ferris' sweet day off, but we always fell short. We went to hang out at an abandoned house and it got cold so we left and went back to school. Other times we went and played basketball or nintendo at one of my friend's houses. The best time that I ever had when ditching school was to go see Star Wars 2: Attack of the clones. I never traveled more than 10 miles away from my school in all of the times that I ditched, and as you can tell I never did anything remotely cool at all. Basically, there was nothing worthwhile to miss school for and I probably did myself a great disservice by not attending school, even though I got great grades. There really was no reason to go if I could maintain high marks and enjoy some friend time, even though I never had close to the day that Ferris did.

Ferris’ wasn’t too concerned with the equality inefficiencies that exist in schools, but no doubt he wanted there to exist an option that the school system and provide a fair shake to all children. I have some suggestions. 1) Rank schools based on objective criteria that is public information to all families. The parents can choose where their kids go and the schools that underperform are shut down. Nothing motivates an institution to perform like the threat of closure. 2) Schools should be able to specialize in certain subjects. I hated art, science, and history in school. Why couldn’t I have gone to a school that specialized in math and economics; wouldn’t that prepare me better for my future than superfluous time wasting subjects? Yes, and so would other children who would have thrived at an art, music, of even a sports school. America is based on choice, let the people choose. Perhaps there is reasoning behind teaching a wide range of subjects to children, but to me it seems an inefficiency of the system. There are many problems with the school system and I’ve tried to offer some suggestions instead of simply criticizing the problem. The circumstances will get better over time or America’s youth will continue to ditch school. Maybe Ferris was on to something deeper when he decided to take that day off.

He ain't heavy, he's Kris.

One of my favorite things is when I notice something funny and have someone else notice the same thing at exactly the same time. That knowing glance from a friend that indicates they are on the same page as you is validating. Earlier today I was sitting in the foyer before class as this man walked by with his stomach hanging out of his shirt. At first I was caught off guard, but as I looked over to my friend sitting next to me I saw a sly grin spreading across his face and we both started laughing. No words were said, no synopsis of the random event was given, just a hearty chuckle. I couldn't have been more amused. Maybe it is the thought that someone understands or thinks like we do that causes us to feel a solid connection from moments like this. Being on the same page is not always so simple though and usually direct communication is necessary when trying to get on the same page as someone else. I like to use the example of being a missionary and finishing up teaching a principle. There are many ways to pass the discussion on to the companion, a subtle voice inflection, a testimony, or a quick glance. There are times though in any presentation when you have to be very direct. "Elder 'XYZ' will now teach us about faith."
You just have to say their name and what they will be doing. This can be frustrating for both parties. The way I fix this problem is through practice, but I've found that time and experience usually solves all problems eventually.

One weekend night recently I was preparing myself for a scheduled date.(I highlight scheduled because we both knew the time and I confirmed the date) I was really excited to go and had been looking forward to this date all week long. About twenty minutes before 'kickoff' I received a lengthy text explaining how it was not going to be possible to meet up that night due to unavoidable circumstances that had not be foreseen. (By the way any time cleaning is involved in an excuse the offended person should be able to collect some sort of severance, please never use cleaning in any form to get out of a date) We've all been stood up before and I understand it is a necessary part of the dating cycle, but it still leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. Anyway, with my suddenly free night I decided to go see a cinema by myself. Pathetic huh? Actually no, you should be saying how resourceful I am at doing something at a moment's notice. Upon my arrival home that night from my solitary evening I texted my brother encouraging him to see the movie that I had just seen. In a few short minutes I received the same text from him, telling me had just got done seeing the exact same movie and that he shared my sentiments. I couldn't help but smile, his fiancee had been out doing something with her friends and he had come to the same conclusion as I had. Two brothers in separate cities going to the same movie alone at the same time. There is nothing like being on the same page as someone. There are two, maybe three people that I am on the same page with consistently, one of those people is my brother.

Kris and I have not always been on the same page, in fact we often butted heads about trivial things in our youth. This was never more apparent to me than when we traveled to the Far East together. Soon after Kris got home from his mission, we journeyed to Hong Kong together. The following situations illustrate how we were not really of the same mind set at all:
1. Crossing the street-We were not familiar with the opposite direction of traffic on our second day in the city. We were crossing a road in the Wan Chai district when on our left we saw cars coming rapidly towards us. I raced across the street and attempted to jump a four foot high railing. As I tried to clear the jump I caught my foot and fell onto the other side of the railing right on my back. The sidewalk was crowded with lunchtime goers and many stopped, looking bewildered at my folly. My brother came around the rail, which I had failed to see, instead of hopping it and laughed at my misfortune. I hadn't followed him to the easy route he had shown me and paid for it with asians enjoying my misfortune.
2. Ocean Park-This is one of the main attractions in Hong Kong. This place is an Asian version of Sea World and sits on the South Side of Hong Kong Island. As Kris and I left the park we hurried to a bus that was about to leave. Kris was lagging behind a bit and we arrived at the bus as it was about to leave. I had arrived a few seconds sooner and realized that I didn't have adequate change for the bus fair. Incensed that my brother was taking his sweet time I turned around and started quickly walking back to get change at the front office. Kris once again came lagging behind and as he reached me asked why we had come back. I told him that I needed change and he informed me that he had sufficient fare for both of us. I was irate for some reason and yelled,"why the (really bad expletive) didn't you say anything?" I then sat down by a fountain and put my head in my hands. This was about the fourth day of the trip and I think we were getting sick of each other. We weren't communicating well at all and our relationship really suffered. To this day I don't know why I was so uptight.
3. The Models-One day in Mong Kok, Kris and I were buying some counterfeit sweaters. I was looking at some bracelets and as these two girls walked by I said, "can I get a second opinion?" That led to Kris and I hanging out with two girls, one from Germany and the other from Uzbekistan, for a good portion of the day. We thought they were beautiful and indeed they were until one of them lit up a cigarette, then we just thought she was hotter. They invited us to a party that night at the Dragon Bar. I really did not want to go because I was so tired, but Kris was adamant about going. I've never seen him so determined to do something in all our lives. He tried in vain to get me to join him, but I refused. He ended up leaving around ten o'clock to meet the girls at the party. I got ready for bed and was just falling asleep when he came back into the room. I never learned how far he actually got, but I was glad that he came back home. That didn't stop me from laughing the rest of the trip about his determination in going to meet the girls though. Part of me wishes we would have gone to the party, but the story is better this way.

This trip was really fun and we had a lot of good times, but I wasn't as kind as I should have been to my brother. Instead of bringing us closer, I felt like we were so very different and there arose a small strain in our friendship. The problem was that I was not communicating with him at all, and took for granted that we would understand each other after not seeing each other for 3 and a half years. That was the time we spend without seeing each other due to our missions overlapping. Over the years we have grown a lot closer to each other and I now consider him my best friend. We talk almost every day and I find him texting me about something funny that I happen to be reading or listening to at that very moment. As he gets married in two weeks, I couldn't be prouder of my little brother. He's the man that I want to be and constantly humors me with his funny antecedents and one liners. I'm glad that we had this experience and feel that my brother and I once again understand one another.

Whale of an Offense

“You know how [insert friend’s name here] is always so rude and always telling lies, I just can’t figure it out, she/he is such an enigma and makes me so frustrated, but I love him/her.” I have spoken ill of my friends, I have often criticized, mocked, harangued, and even scoffed (that’s right I’m going to use a biblical term) at them. Often, my motives stem from the fact that it is just something to talk about or something that intrigues me, and often I can’t find anything interesting to say about myself. However; I’ve found that many people, including myself, like to cover ourselves when we make such comments and we marginalize our critiques with certain phrases that make us seem a little less mean-spirited. Truly I don’t believe that we are generally mean-spirited creatures, that is why contemporary talk includes phrases such as ‘but I love him’, ‘with all due respect’ and ‘no offense’ that indicate that we don’t want to cause ill towards others; or at least leave other people with the impression that we revel in tearing down our friends.

“With all due respect” inevitably means that you are about to disrespect someone with the very next comment. This phrase is ostentatiously used as a precursor to an insult. Can you imagine Truman at the outset of World War Two saying to Germany “with all due respect Germany, you really fought hard and made some incredible tactical decisions and it’s been such a pleasure to have engaged you in globalwarfare for the last four years”? No, you can’t! There is no respect due and in many cases when we say with all due respect we are indicating that there is no respect involved at all. I’d like to propose a change to this common phrase. Say it only when you want to say something respectful to someone like “With all due respect, you ate that chili cheese dog with poise and integrity” or “With all due respect, I really respect you.” When you ‘due’ someone respect, it’s probably correct to say something positive. The same pattern can be utilized with the term “No offense”. Has there ever been a time when you said no offense and then didn’t offend someone in even the slightest way? I’m just going to start saying “OFFENSE!” or “with offense” and then say what I would normally say with “no offense”.

When Pinocchio shamelessly plagiarized the bible and jumped in that whale (echoes of Jonah anyone?) I was just as livid everyone else. But what really steamed my engines was when he had the audacity to gloat about having no strings to hold him down. This caused parents everywhere to cover their children’s ears due to the subtle implication that children didn't require 'strings' meaning parents. That wooden ‘real’ boy was a ‘real’ menace. Thankfully the bible was safe from Pinocchio’s blatant stealing when it stated “let your words be either yay yay or nay nay.” (I’m taking credit and intellectual property rights fees if this ever appears in a rap song, because don’t lie, it would be an awesome chorus) When we offset a discouraging word with a caveat of optimism we’re sitting on the fence. Let's be honest and consistent!

I freely admit, just as Pinocchio freely admitted that he could talk to crickets (you kidding me?, this also led children to believe that animals could talk, which eventuality led to the widespread disappointment of said children, myself included). It is hard to talk about others without being slightly negative; negative things are a lot funnier. It’s hard to laugh about someone’s good qualities. “John is such a great writer, he comprised this beautiful sonnet dedicated to his grandmother, it was hilarious.” There is nothing funny about that.

I guess I just wanted to write a blog throwing Pinocchio under the bus (or under the whale in this case), but I do believe that some consistency can be achieved in how we speak about our fellow man. What do you say? Yay Yay?

m night 'sham'amalan

There has to be some reason why movie executives continue to green light multi-million dollar projects for someone who has not made a good movie in 8 years. Truth be told, no matter how bad M. Night Shyamalan's movies are, people still go to see them on opening weekend. I officially stopped about three movies ago, but found it strange that his movie career can be used as a blueprint for most of my recent relationships. I'll provide the similarities numerically.
1) At first glance (preview) I am intrigued. "This could be awesome!" I'll see the trailer for a movie and am instantly pulled in. (Perhaps all of his movies should just be trailers, by far his greatest talent) It's too bad that the trailer never translates into a good movie. In the same vein, the first time I meet a girl I am interested in her, her 'preview' is good and I want to see more and get to know more about her. Thoughts fly through my mind of her being the one or at least being an awesome girlfriend. In both instances, I am convinced that I need to learn more about this situation.
2) After seeing a trailer I like to dig a little deeper and learn more about the movie. This is done by reading reviews or production tidbits. I love knowing how a movie is made, whether it be what kind of filming techniques are used, where it was filmed, cost, or any other aspect that comprises the final picture. Some people like to go to the theater and sit down with no prior influences and see experience everything fresh. I wish I could do the same, but I have never been able to. I am one of those people who does weekly google searches for "New Indiana Jones film". I get excited about this kind of stuff. I get excited about girls too, always have. I like to learn about them. I like to go to their houses and meet their "production crew" (parents). I like to get to know their "editing crew" (friends). I like to dig through their garbage and find things that they have thrown out (ok, not really that last one) These things help me understand the person better and how they act and why they act a certain way. Often times this can generate lots of excitement about a female or movie, and other times it can shoot up red flags faster than the Jersey Shore boys can kick 'grenades' out of their hot tub. Recently, additional information has led me to be cautious when contemplating viewing a new film or squiring a new lady. With M. Night, words like over budget, filming delays, Writer (he's an awful writer), raise more red flags than a mustachioed man with an overcoat driving a non-descript van. I've promised never to see another movie that he is the principle writer for. (which i'll be regretting as soon as a new trailer for one of his films appears) With girls it is very similar, silver platter, raised by maid, rode to her sweet 16 on an elephant; these phrases rattle me like a hot Mexican reporter in an NFL locker room (see: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/14/new-york-jets-reporter_n_716136.html) Although I've never actually heard any of these terms used when referring to a potential gf, you get the drift. The red flags are very apparent and should be avoided like, hmmm....let's say an M. Night movie to use an obscure reference.
3) There is an old adage, you have to spend money to make money. That is not the case with M. Night movies. You have to spend a lot of money to get horrible critical reception and a box office dud. M. Night movies have require a lot of investment, just like in the initial dating process there is a lot invested. I've probably spent a bulk of dating money on the first three dates in relation to any other time frame of dating. I want to impress, I want to throw out the big cash money, but sometimes that is where I lose. The times when I've tried to give the nicest gifts have led to the absolute worst outcomes. I don't believe M. Night has been much more successful, his recent track record.
"Lady in the Water" estimated loss at $100 million
"The Last Airbender" cost $150 million, do you know anyone who has seen it?
"The Village" dropped nearly %70 of the viewers from the first week to the second week, meaning that no one was telling their friends to go see it. They all got duped into going the first week because they saw an awesome trailer and hoped for the best.
4) Disappointment!!! Ever heard of Lady in the Water, The Happening, The Last Air Bender, even the poorly written Unbreakable??? Ahhhhh!!! All of these films have been painful to watch. I haven't seem the last one, but it is currently getting a 7% out of a possible 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. To add caution to the wind a new movie called Devil is coming out soon that M. Night wrote. Don't go see this movie!!!, you'll just be disappointed once again.
Besides The Sixth Sense, I give some credit to Signs, but that's just because of the line "Swing Away" at the end. Really, one of the great climactic events of the film. However, I found this odd. The water being accidentally knocked on the alien clued in every human being on earth that to kill the aliens you simply add to spray some water on them. Really?!? Three weeks had passed and I'm sure the army was using every weapon known to mankind to quash this alien invasion and a kid 'swinging away' in the middle of a corn field figures out that this is the secret to saving earth!!! You see what I am saying? Anyway, when you finally get to the theater or to the point of wanting to really date someone you are often teetering on possible disappointment. Phrases like "I had no idea it was about this from watching the trailer" "This was not what I expected at all" can easily be transferred to "This girl isn't who I thought it was" or "Wow, you think you know a lot about someone". Usually if you have been suckered enough to get to the silver screen you are going to get burned.

As with M. Night, his first try at a major motion picture was his best and so was mine as far as dating. We keep hoping that he will make a good movie, but deep down we know that we will be lucky to just get a few good trailers and maybe some day a great movie. I keep holding on to hope that one day I too will 'Swing Away' and find a rare winner, (as long as she doesn't like M. Night Shyamalan movies).

Schooliosis

I have been out of full-time school for one year now. It was a year ago to the day that I went to see 17 again instead of attending my graduation. That's right, 17 again. I think that watching a movie about a boy who gets to be 17 again (hence the name) was better than going to my own graduation. Probably not one of the better decisions of my life, but I'm okay with it.
Today I was accepted into the MBA program at the U of U. I was very excited to find out because I didn't think I would hear back for a few more weeks. I was actually calling to see if my transcript had arrived and when I called the lady asked my name so she could look me up on the system. I said that I needed to apply to the Master's in Finance program and was wondering if I had done everything. She said, "well it says here that you have been accepted into the MBA program". I couldn't believe it. She dropped the news like it was no big deal and I was caught way off guard. To put it simply, my journey to get into this program has been crazy. I've had to leave work and drive to the U in the middle of the day, I've had to pay more fees than I thought possible, I've had more frustrations than I thought possible, but today a nice young lady informed me that my efforts were not in vain. So stoked!

The Revelation

This last Saturday I was called upon to work because of the busy season. I thought I would only be in for five hours or so, but ended up staying about seven. I would have been more uptight about the lengthy day except for a comment that one of the Draculitos Emmett made.

Now, I am well aware that most of these posts concerning Draculios are satirical and that although evidence points in the direction of vampires crawling around my work place, it is not factual. You already knew that though.

I brought in donuts for the eight of us who were working that day and encouraged the others to partake in sugar rushes to fill up their energy reserves. Near the end of the day I entered the breakroom and noticed that there was only one donut remaining. Emmett was on the other side of the table, so I told him to go ahead and eat it. (Emmett usually doesn't bring lunches to work and I never really see him eating, I guess he just likes to get all his work done before eating.) I told him he needed to eat the donut and that he should really be eating during the day. He responded, "man, I only eat when the sun goes down." I stopped and looked at him and said,"Emmett, you just sounded like a vampire." He laughed a loud laugh and said,"yeah, i kind of did didn't I." and that was the end of it.

I really like how there are so many coincidences concerning vampires at my work or "draculitos". Even though there is no evidence, things continue to happen that would lead some to believe that draculitos really do walk the aisles of the Coke warehouse.

Cocodrilos

Arturo is very proficient at doling out pseudonyms to the people at work. Some of these have obvious connotations, but others are a huge mystery to me. I must admit right now that I do not speak Spanish very well, I understand the gist of what is being said and the context of the words, but sometimes I do not understand every single word that is being said to me. However, for the sake of my audience I have meticulously researched these nicknames and double checked them with other fluent Spanish speakers (Mexicans) and believe that these are the most correct translations I can decipher.

1) Los Cocodrilos-The Crocodiles Arturo calls our two bosses the crocodiles, I think because he thinks one of them walks around and sniffs the air looking for trouble because he always calls them spies too. One time he said "los cocodrilos estan buscando as pulgas" the crocodiles are searching for fleas. I also had no idea what he meant by this, but as it stands, I have two bosses who are crocodiles

2) El Gordo-The heavy(fat man) This one is pretty easy to decipher. Any 300+ man is going to be referred to as the fat guy. Spanish has a way of being very straightforward and this is no exception. The gordo is a very large man and thus has been dubbed as such.

3) Hormiga Atomica-The Atomic Ant This name is given to a 6'5 Samoan kid at work. He is very strong and I think that the ant part might have something to do with him being able to lift heavy loads, as far the Atomic part, your guess is probably better than mine. I can't imagine calling anyone an atomic anything as a nickname.

4) Florencio- Florence This is what Arturo calls me. I did some research and a horse named Florencio was popular in the early 90's. I do not think Arturo is familiar with horse racing though. Florencio is also a popular name in Mexico. Lupe (another co-worker) told Arturo this was my name and for the longest time I could not figure out why Arturo kept referring to me as Florencio. I guess it was a misunderstanding, but I enjoy it.

5) Sapote/Manotas-Big toad/Big hands This nickname is given to Mark, a large imposing Polynesian man. He is taller than me and about three times as thick and is the one man who strikes fear in every other employee at work, even though he is the funniest guy around. Manotas is the kind of man who will make fun of you and you do not dare to say anything back when you first meet him. But as you get to know him you can make fun of him and he will laugh just as loud.

6) La profesional-The Professional This name is given to the guy at work who is always running around looking like he is working really hard and giving everyone else crap for not working as hard as he does. I think the name is intended to be the man's mindset of himself and not how others view him. I guess you could say it is an ironic nickname, as so many are.

7) Patito-Little duck When a large man walks and appears to be waddling like a duck he receives a corresponding nickname, the little duck. This is why Arturo has given one man at work this name.

8) Luchador-The fighter This is for a man who used to work with us and always walked around with his shoulders held high as if he wanted to fight someone, he never did fight anyone, but one time Manotas was making fun of him and he really wanted to fight, but like I said, no one fights with Manotas.

9)El Italiano-The Italian Arturo claims that this Mexican guy is a fake Mexican and so he calls him the Italian

10) Rey Benjamin-King Benjamin A guy named B.J.

11) Draculitos-The little draculas I've talked extensively about this on other posts, but two white looking Polynesian kids who have convinced Arturo that they are vampires. It is still a mystery to me.

12) Chinito-Small Chinese guy Actually a guy from Laos, but everyone calls him the Chinese guy, kind of racially obtuse, but who ever stopped anyone from grouping a diverse group of cultures into one large race? Neither I nor Arturo, that's for sure.

That is most of the better nicknames that he has coined over the course of my employment. There are others that are not as good or memorable, but I feel like these ones should see the light of day, or at least the light emitted from your computer screen.